Sometimes, as much as we want, things don’t go the way we want them to. Chance, luck, whatever, sometimes things go your way, sometimes shit happens. It’s really all about how you respond to what is going on. We always have the choice to get stuck or keep moving forward.
A professor of mine once explained the DADBA cycle. Understanding this cycle has helped keep my feelings present and moving forward toward acceptance of situations. The cycle starts when something you perceive as bad happens, leading the D in depression. Typically the depression shifts into the A in anger, the “why me” or “how could they” statements. Next comes the second D, denial or delusion. Thinking that by ignoring something it will go away is human nature. But as Werner Erhard, the founder of est said, “what we resist, persists”. As we realize that the problem has not gone away comes the B in bargaining where we start to put things into perspective realizing the longer we wait the harder it will be. Finally we get to the A stage of acceptance of the way things are. Maybe the situation was beyond our control to begin with it doesn’t matter, we have to go through the stages to get back to our happy selves.
The revelation I had once understanding the DADBA cycle was that getting through the stages does not have to take a long time. Most psychologists agree that ignoring pain does not make it go away. Feeling the anger and depression is essential to be able to move past it. How long you dwell on these feeling is under your control, it can take a day, a week or years.
Affirmation: I accept the way things are.
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