It seems that many of us confuse the terms "alone" and "lonely." Not everyone that is alone is lonely and not everyone that is lonely is alone. Have you ever been lonely while in a relationship? I have.  

The voices of the ego come through in whispers, loud screaming and everything in between.  With awareness and practice you will learn to hear ego talking and be able to step back, laugh and let it go.  In the busyness of the mind ego sounds like just another voice but it’s not.  At first the ego awareness may come slowly and often after you have acted or reacted.  With skillful awareness ego-spotting will become second nature and happen in real time allowing you time to change course on the fly.

It’s funny how good things can end up being bad and visa versa.  Take rejection for example.  In relationships of any sort rejection feels bad and is humbling.  We’ve all been rejected at some point, at work, friends, family, lovers. Think back, how did it turn out?  Was that rejection a blessing in disguise?  It always is. 

Whatever you call it, tough, sassy, unique, it pays to be a badass.  I had fun reading Shannon Doroghty’s book Badass.  At first is seems a silly whimsical look at pop culture.  After digging in her pages made some good points. Shannon is all about being herself without making excuses or trying to “fit in”.  Her advice is to live out loud, dress wild, don’t give your power over to others, live with passion.  People will notice you more and you’ll probably have a lot more fun in the process.  That’s what all the pillars are about, figuring out who you are then living the large you.

Every relationship is a give and receive process.  This exchange sets the tone for now and the future.  Consider approaching all relationships with the welcome mat out, inviting people to play in your sandbox.  Give them your bucket and shovel then get on with building a castle.  Show them how you play and watch their style, maybe you’ll want to play together again.  Maybe not.  Maybe it will take awhile to figure each other out, maybe not.

Communication is the most powerful tool of personal and social change.  If you take the time to talk and genuinely listen with others you will find good ideas, insight, common ground and perspective.  Why do therapists, psychologists and counselors get paid hundreds of dollars per hour?  Because they listen intentionally.

Isn’t it great how a few words of insight at the right time can shed light on solutions.  Trying to solve every problem alone is like trying to fix everything with a pair of pliers and roll of duct tape.  Your personal tools may be enough to answer most questions, but not all.  Reaching out to friends, family, coworkers and mentors to be a good way to get valuable input while forging stronger relationship with the advice-giver. 
Affirmation: My friends old and new know exactly what I should do.

Expectations, positive or negative. have a powerful effect on your personal policy.  Consider the dilemma the guards in jails and prisons face each day.  Charged with the job of incarcerating people they have the ability to make a dramatic impact on the prisoners.  Most often the guards have negative expectations of the inmates and get bad behavior in return.  Too often prisoners are released only to return. At one prison in Kentucky prisoners are given the opportunity to train dogs and horses that are sold or placed in needy homes.  The guards are trained to expect good behavior and guess what, everybody wins.  Inmates learn a skill that keeps many from coming back, guards get to treat people like humans.
Affirmation: I get what I expect from people