What is the destination we are running toward? Why are we in such a hurry?
The teenage mind knows everything about nothing. Anxious, rebellious, fixed on itself and oblivious to the world outside. At just sixteen as young man not finding challenge in school I was a delinquent. Bored, anxious, self-centered. Then a trigger set wheels in motion that continue to spin today.
There had been some trouble with the neighborhood thugs I used to run with, my best friends were now sworn enemies after covering my car in old motor oil.
I decided it was time to drop out of high school and pursue the fruits promised by a paycheck and the freedom from peers. Add it all up and the solution was clear, drop out, get a better job and move on with life now. When presented with this plan my parents were calm, thoughtful and firm. “well, fine then” came the response. “Go ahead and drop out, but you can’t live here.” I hadn’t bargained for this and had not figured a simple decision would get complicated so fast. Then like a mean spirited dog running at you till the chain snaps tight my ego response kicked in and made the idiotic response come out clear and definite, “great, I’m outta here”.
Stupid decisions often have major long-term consequences. The next few years taught me a lot about life, but not nearly enough, or at least my note-taking skills were not up to snuff because ego has been in my way ever since then. I wish my parents had been stricter in this case, maybe tried to talk me out of my decision. Looking back my guess is they were ready to be rid of me at that point. I knew dropping out was a bad idea, and it didn’t take long to realize that moving out brought along a whole series of events that promised a lot of hard knocks to follow. I knew school was a ticket to some sort of future, a profession, marriage, family, something. I wish I had stopped and thought about it. Much of my life has been spent chasing those things, at the wrong times. The Lesson: Don’t “react” to challenges, take time let things sink in, examine all the options and ask yourself honestly, “is this me or my ego talking?”
Affirmation: Ego is not always obvious, stop, look, listen.
If you are patient in one moment of anger you will save a thousand days of sorrow. -Chinese Proverb
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